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Bill Cosby Quotes

Bill Cosby Quotes

A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company. The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station. 
Bill Cosby 

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry. 
Bill Cosby 

Any man today who returns from work, sinks into a chair, and calls for his pipe is a man with an appetite for danger. 
Bill Cosby 

As I have discovered by examining my past, I started out as a child. Coincidentally, so did my brother. My mother did not put all her eggs in one basket, so to speak: she gave me a younger brother named Russell, who taught me what was meant by "survival of the fittest." 
Bill Cosby 

Civilization had too many rules for me, so I did my best to rewrite them. 
Bill Cosby 

Even though your kids will consistently do the exact opposite of what you're telling them to do, you have to keep loving them just as much. 
Bill Cosby 

I am certainly not an authority on love because there are no authorities on love, just those who've had luck with it and those who haven't. 
Bill Cosby 

I am proud to be an American. Because an American can eat anything on the face of this earth as long as he has two pieces of bread. 
Bill Cosby 

I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody. 
Bill Cosby 

I guess the real reason that my wife and I had children is the same reason that Napoleon had for invading Russia: it seemed like a good idea at the time. 
Bill Cosby 

I wasn't always black... there was this freckle, and it got bigger and bigger. 
Bill Cosby 

If the new American father feels bewildered and even defeated, let him take comfort from the fact that whatever he does in any fathering situation has a fifty percent chance of being right. 
Bill Cosby 

Like everyone else who makes the mistake of getting older, I begin each day with coffee and obituaries. 
Bill Cosby 

Men and women belong to different species and communications between them is still in its infancy. 
Bill Cosby 

My childhood should have taught me lessons for my own fatherhood, but it didn't because parenting can only be learned by people who have no children. 
Bill Cosby 

No matter how calmly you try to referee, parenting will eventually produce bizarre behavior, and I'm not talking about the kids. Their behavior is always normal. 
Bill Cosby 

Nothing I've ever done has given me more joys and rewards than being a father to my children. 
Bill Cosby 

Nothing separates the generations more than music. By the time a child is eight or nine, he has developed a passion for his own music that is even stronger than his passions for procrastination and weird clothes. 
Bill Cosby 

Parents are not interested in justice, they're interested in peace and quiet. 
Bill Cosby 

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. 
Bill Cosby 

Poets have said that the reason to have children is to give yourself immortality. Immortality? Now that I have five children, my only hope is that they are all out of the house before I die. 
Bill Cosby 

Raising children is an incredibly hard and risky business in which no cumulative wisdom is gained: each generation repeats the mistakes the previous one made. 
Bill Cosby

The heart of marriage is memories; and if the two of you happen to have the same ones and can savor your reruns, then your marriage is a gift from the gods. 
Bill Cosby 

The main goal of the future is to stop violence. The world is addicted to it. 
Bill Cosby 

Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it. 
Bill Cosby 

Women don't want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think - in a deeper voice. 
Bill Cosby 

You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything, even poverty, you can survive it. 
Bill Cosby 

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who've never had any. 
Bill Cosby 



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